The poems wot I read down the rooms

Hippies In White Coats

A neo-luddite pagan hippy and… science walk into a bar

The pagan’s sweatin’ quack medicines ‘n…

Science is wearin’… Hiroshima’s scar.

It’d been a long day for both of ‘em, and they were clearly pretty fucked off so

The barman, mankind, got them both a drink

With due care, and appliance

Real ale for the hippy, and

Sulphuric acid for science

Well after a few ales, hippy-boy felt a bit contrary

Got up on to his hobbit feet, and started gettin’ lary

“You’re taking us to the apocalypse, science, this really isn’t cool,”

“You’re instigating global warming man, you stupid bloody fool”

“You’re turnin’ us all into a race of machines; you make the weapons of war,

“And you tell me love’s utopian, well what the fuck are you even for?”

After a few pints of sulphuric acid science’s throat was red and raw

So when the neo-luddite pagan shouted, he was already pretty sore

“If your lot had their way young man, we’d still be dying at twenty”

“We’d have no medicines, no house, no food, and certainly not plenty”

“We’d have no computers, and no lights, to disease we’d be defenceless!”

“And if I was a person instead of a concept I’d beat you bloody senseless!”

By this point both our friends were incensed beyond belief

So it was lucky that a voice popped up – and offered some relief

It sounded far and at the same time near but its tone was certainly pleasing

For it was the sound of a long lost friend, the underrated voice of reason.

“Hi”, she said.

“Oh my god where’ve you been” said science and hippy together

“He’s destroying everything” said hippy “I only wanna run in heather”

“I try to discover reality’s secrets – the nature of the black hole”

“He only wants to smoke weed and fart – and on the bleedin’ dole!!!”

But reason just smiled in a self-assured fashion

Knowing that there was no need to ration

Her wisdom

She chuckled and said “Oh you silly pair, you’re only at it again”

“Now hippy: take a deep breath, and science: count to 10”

“The point that you’re both missing here is you really needn’t fight”

“Hippy, you gave us peace and love, and science you gave us flight”

“Hippy you’ve got the best intentions, but you’ve got no coherent plan”

“Science you’ve got the world at your feet but you’ve got no guiding hand”

“Now I know the idea of synthesis to you may seem far-out and random”

“But the only way to save the world is for you to work in tandem”

To science: This might sound unreasonable sir

To the pagan: Man, this might be trippy

But what we really need, my friends

Is a white-coated hippy.